


Note

by sourielle



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 18:51:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18644029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sourielle/pseuds/sourielle
Summary: Levi’s POV.





	Note

Every waking moment is difficult. I can’t sleep to escape from it; he’s in my dreams.   
I wake up and he is my first thought - I’ll lean over and hold the pillow beside me as if it’s him, as if he is somehow within reach. I know he’s not there but I smile and I talk to him as though he is.   
I get out of bed, I’m thinking of him.  
I brush my teeth, I’m thinking of him.  
In the shower, walking outside, taking the bus, going to work; he is always with me and I cannot escape him.  
I can’t focus on anything, he invades my mind at all times and it’s so hard to see past him.   
I talk to people - other men, friends - but i can only feel a dull ache in my chest because I would give anything just to speak to him. Just to touch him, hold him, kiss him - anything.  
I can’t move on and I can’t find anyone else because nothing is good enough: no one is him. I’m attracted to others but I can’t shake the commitment I feel to him. I feel intense discomfort within myself at the thought of betraying him.   
I can’t sleep, drink, eat. He’s consuming my life whole.  
I’m awake into the early hours of the morning crying over him, longing for him. Imagining his face feels like a punch in the chest and everything feels worse.   
When I sleep it’s not often I dream of him, but when I do, everything comes together, everything feels right. I love him and that love is reciprocated. It’s deep and intense and beautiful. Waking from those dreams is incredibly hard. Opening my eyes to this god forsaken room knowing that he is not with me and he never will be kills me inside. Life doesn’t feel worth living. I can’t do anything.  
Sometimes I feel as though it’s suffocating me and I can’t breathe, overwhelmed by it all. And I can’t lift it - I can’t stop it. Because I know there is no way to soothe this pain. I know there is no way I can gain closure and each day this awareness brings me more pain. I’m losing sight of all purpose. All I see is him.


End file.
